seven days...

One day I go in for a routine checkup. Doc says, "Well B, you're awesome levels are off the chart, as per usual, but I have some bad news. Apparently, you have too much awesome in your system; too much awesome for one man to handle. It looks bad, you only have about a week to live before the awesome swells your brain beyond the point of capacity, bursting your head like a ripe melon. I mean, you'll go out with an awesome bang, but I've never seen levels as high as yours. I'm afraid there's not a whole lot I can do."

I reply, "Doc, there's got to something you can do. Never thought I'd say this, but... can you remove some of my awesome? Maybe take out my overactive awesome-glands? We could transplant them into that guy who has a pocket protector that I cheated off of in chemistry."

Doc says, "No B, I'm sorry. The operation is too risky. One wrong move and we could detonate the gland itself because it's so awesome. You're so awesome, it would blow up the whole neighborhood, turning everything solid into cold, hard cash; making all the women look beautiful and have perfect boobs; giving all the men 6-pack abs and sports cars instantaneously. I'm sorry, B, but the community just couldn't assume that kind of risk for just one life."

"Of course, Doc. I understand. Not only am I too awesome for my own good, but also for the whole city of Kirksville. Well, Doc, thank you for your time. Stay Awesome."

One week to live....

~Quit dieting.
2330 calories max/day? Forget that. The only people who will think I should have been losing weight will be my pallbearers at my funeral.

~I'd definitely spend some time in church.

Confess my sins, pray, and tell the good Lord "Thanks" for the time I had here, because I've had quite a run.He's blessed me with gratuitous gifts of awesome, and if I could do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing.

~Gotta get the whole family together one more time.

Get one last awesome family photo. Bring it in, guys, and thanks for everything.

~Class? Are you serious?

I'm already too cool for school, not to mention my flippin' head's about to make a mess all over this town from the awesome just itchin' to get out. School? Sorry Artie, but no thank you.

~Get the ole' gang together

Well, If you're gunna go out, go out with a bang, right? Carpe diem? No way! Not when you're this awesome: CARPE NOCTUM!!

~I've got some 'splainin' to do...

There are a few people I need to apologize to. Didn't give them enough time, attention, etc. Maybe I should do that now in my life... never know when you're leg might swing a little too close to the bucket... and you kick it.

B's Bucket List:

~Take Grandma to where our family is from in Italy

~See Ireland

~Stay the night in a Scottish Castle (Try to see Nessie)

~Play a game of curling

~Win a game of curling

~See a professional rugby match between each match-up of the following teams: New Zealand All Blacks, Ireland, and England
~Eat all of my favorite foods in one meal:
Toasted Ravioli, Cheese Sticks, Jalapeno Poppers, Steak, Pizza, Cheesecake, Cannoli, et al.
~Jump out of a plane
~Go back to Philmont Scout Ranch
~Score a try in rugby



If you have a legitimate, interesting, or in any way valid response, please leave it in my comments section.



~~Thought for the Day~~

:talking about a video game:
Roommate: "Don't be a f***in' hero."
Me: Why not?
Roommate: "You know what happens to heroes? They f***in' die!"

Until next time, stay awesome.

~B